I Wasn’t Always a Ski Instructor (And Other Surprising Things That Happen After the Kids Grow Up)
The Plot Twist I Didn’t See Coming
If you had told me 20 years ago that I’d become a ski instructor, I would’ve laughed and asked if you meant I’d be working the neighborhood hot chocolate stand.
Somewhere between raising kids and becoming an empty nest mom, life took an unexpected turn. I found myself going through a divorce and becoming an empty nester all at once. Yes, a double whammy to the heart.
THAT + a depressing office job had me looking forward to NOTHING! In all my disappointment I craved SOMETHING to look forward to. A new purpose. But I didn’t know what it was. This was the start of realizing I needed to recapture myself and find out just who this knew me was going to be.
The Life I Thought I Was Supposed to Have
My life’s focus was all about motherhood. The schedules, school events, being the family organizer… all of which were important in launching my kids some day.
My identity was largely wrapped up in being “Mom”. I only had a brief time period in my early 20’s to draw confidence and proof from when I owned a small business, paid the mortgage and juggled the kids.
When the empty nest years hit, I sensed that I was letting the world and even my own brain feed me doubts. Such things like, “You’re too old now” and “You don’t have anything to offer”.
Many empty nest moms can relate to these thoughts and feelings. Even with so many positive posts and helpful articles out there, the stigmas and doubts creep in.
Then the Kids Grew Up… and Everything Got Quiet
It’s a slow fade but then all of a sudden there’s that moment when it all hits: a quieter house, fewer responsibilities, and suddenly more time.
FINALLY you’re at the stage where you can pee in peace except you KEEP sitting there, hoping that the kids will come a knockin’, needing you to immediately bake them some brownies or cook up a turkey(my favorite thing to do actually!).
The deeper question that shows up is “Now what?”.
The Unexpected Search for Purpose
Many moms assume that a new purpose will just magically appear. To be honest, sometimes that does happen OR you may already be plugged into a part-time volunteer position when the kids are still living at home.
The reality of it all is that whatever it is, it takes trial, curiosity, and a little courage. I see all of these same feelings when I’m coaching moms on the ski slopes.
I’ve now coached many moms of all ages. One was seventy-two! Most of them have shared their feelings with me around their empty nester season. Their excitement, uncertainty, and even a little identity crisis. The irony would end up being that we would tackle those same feelings together on snow as I coached them down the not so proverbial mountain.
How Skiing Became More Than Just a Jobby
Growing up in north Idaho, I began snow skiing and riding horses when I was five years old. My dad loved skiing and my mom loved horses. It was the classic ‘80’s relationship of “Don’t tell!”. Much like the humorous Hyundai commercial. Me, of course, loved doing both.
Little did I know that what started as something fun so long ago, would turn into something meaningful.
On top of that, I felt no purpose in my boring nine to five desk job. I did know two things about myself: I loved teaching kids and I loved to ski. I decided to combine them.
The surprising realization is that you CAN still learn new things later in life!
Now ski coaching probably wasn’t on my life bingo card and sure, there were some time and logistical challenges. But even with a simple plan, the person that I’ve always been or you have always been, deep down, she shows up to surprise you.
Becoming a Ski Instructor (Even When I Didn’t Plan To)
I was literally on a road journey, reconnecting with a lot of family and learning about self-care when I started brainstorming. I needed to find a place to live and somebody to train me.
The doubts I had were MANY and looked something like this:
“Am I too old to train for this?”
“Can my body really do this?”
“What if I can’t take the work culture pressure?”
The moment that I realized that I could, was the same moment that I knew my age was a leverage and not a liability.
It came on a day that many of us were taking a skiing certification test in Colorado. We were all nervous, it was a real pass or fail test that would determine or paygrades. Then it happened. A couple of sweet young women in their mid-twenties who were fabulous skiers, broke down crying because they did not pass the test.
The point of the story is not to share their embarrassment but to share what they taught me. These young women were actually faster, younger and stronger than I. But I passed the test because I was a mom on a mission, focused on the test alone, knowing I couldn’t nor did I need to go faster and stronger like the young bloods, in order to pass. My age was suddenly gold.
Why This Season of Life Is Perfect for Reinvention
Empty nest life offers something many moms haven’t had in decades:
Time
Freedom
Flexibility
We often talk about this stage as “closed chapters” or “open doors”... What if we called it “a new adventure”? After all, aren’t the many seasons of our lives just different themed adventures connected together where we hug the friend, call the family, take the pictures, and learn something we didn’t know the day before?
And aren’t seasons of life and adventures both exciting and uncertain at times?
Lessons the Slopes Taught Me About Life
One of my biggest challenges with coaching women on the ski slopes has to do with their brain.
Many women and moms come to take lessons so that they can enjoy the sport more, navigate themselves over the large mountainside, and become more efficient skiers. In order to learn these things, I have to push them outside their comfort zone. Their brain does not like that.
The best way to give their brain proof that they can do the task comes at the bottom of the hill when I have them look back up and literally speak out loud, “I just skied that” or “I can do this”. And then we ski that run again and again and they do it better and with more confidence each time.
You may have become a mother the day you had your first sweet baby, but it took time to become the mom you are today. The same goes for recapturing yourself after motherhood. It takes time to dream, learn, grow, and your brain needs some proof. Why not get out there and try a few things?!
Encouragement for Empty Nest Moms Looking for Their “Next Thing”
Remember, purpose doesn’t have to look dramatic.
It could be:
Teaching
Volunteering
Learning something new
Rediscovering old passions
The important thing is being open to possibility.
The Best Plot Twists Come Later in Life
There’s surprising beauty in this chapter of life.
I get it. You might be thinking, “I’ve heard that so many times, I’m just struggling to see the beauty when I miss my kids so stinkin’ much!”
This has me thinking of all the times I would go searching for a missing sock, lost homework, the dog leash that somehow walked off with itself. THIS time in the nest is begging you to do something similar. Now it wants you to look for the beauty instead.
You may not become a ski instructor but life might still surprise you!
