How To Self-Care When You Don’t Feel Like It (Because Sometimes “Bubble Baths Fix Everything” Is a Lie)
The Truth About Self-Care Nobody Posts on Instagram
There’s the polished version of self-care we see online:
bubble baths
yoga at sunrise
green smoothies that cost more than a tank of gas
The contrast, the reality? It usually ends up looking like this:
dragging yourself off the couch when motivation is nowhere to be found.
putting off all the good feels because you can’t stop the worry
pulling in for yet another latte just to get through the day
I was raised up in a big, loving redneck family of hardworking and educated women. A few were ahead of their time. Self-care meant walking it off, taking a spin on the horse in the pasture, or sitting down with some great snacks and a game of Rummy.
Since I became an empty nester and our generation suddenly had more words for self-care, I realized the additional mind shift I needed to make wasn’t going to be easy.
On top of that, there have been many times where self-care was necessary but I just didn’t feel like doing a single thing!
Why Empty Nest Moms Struggle With Self-Care
For years, self-care meant taking care of everyone else. After all, we’re pretty damn good at it!
Us moms are experts in all the things:
carpools
laundry mountains
emotional support
But we’re not always experts in caring for ourselves.
More often than not, our brains or even society has told us in the past that we’re selfish for taking time out to do yoga instead of bending over backwards to supply snacks for the next Saturday soccer game.
And now? It’s a matter of reprogramming our brains and empty nest calendars!
The “I Don’t Feel Like It” Phase Is Completely Normal
You would think that motivation for self-care would just magically appear now that the kids have moved out and no one is hanging off your leg. But the emotional weight is still lingering.
Common empty nest feelings:
low energy
emotional adjustment
wondering what the heck you’re supposed to do with yourself now
Starting with acknowledging THIS FACT, is always the best place to begin:
Self-care is hardest when you need it the most!
Self-Care Isn’t Always Fancy (Sometimes It’s Just Showing Up)
You’ve probably heard the common phrase, “start small” when talking about most things. It doesn’t get any less fancier or easy than that!
taking a walk instead of scrolling your phone
calling a friend
eating something that didn’t come out of a drive-thru bag
In my big loving family growing up, self-care looked like sitting on the porch, solving the world’s problems over iced tea while we watched the garden grow. I didn’t know or realize it then, but it’s one of the most helpful memories I draw on now when I’m looking to bring peace back into my thoughts.
Travel Taught Me Something About Taking Care of Myself
When I first became an empty nester, I traveled constantly! Reconnecting with family and rediscovering what I used to love to do before I had children. A couple of things really hit me:
seeing different cultures approach rest and life differently
realizing Americans (especially moms) often run themselves into the ground
In short, I learned some invaluable lessons that I didn’t even know I was looking for! Just by traveling, these insights helped in understanding this next season of me:
slowing down
enjoying the moment
realizing life isn’t just a to-do list (I can get carried away with to-do lists!)
The “Just Start Small” Method
How about some simple practical magic to create your own magical moments of self-care:
The 10-minute rule: do something for just ten minutes (if it’s not yoga, I love to just “brain dump” words or short sentences onto a journal and get all the feels out of my head).
Change your scenery: go outside, go to a coffee shop, take a drive (I love driving if you couldn’t tell by now).
Move your body: a short walk or even just 10 squats, push ups or jumping jacks are amazing at giving your brain a blast of endorphins!
Connect with someone who makes you laugh. Better yet, do this while you’re on a walk (shout out to my family & AZ girlfriend for their assistance on this one!).
You might be surprised to hear it first hand from this gal, but self-care does NOT have to look like a wellness retreat in Bali. For twenty dollars you can turn a corner of a room or your patio into an island retreat, flip on some tunes and just breathe.
Letting Go of Mom Guilt in the Empty Nest Season
Many moms still feel guilty focusing on themselves, I did too! It’s important to remind your brain right about now of these two key facts:
You spent decades caring for others.
This season is allowed to include you.
For my brain, the analogy of being a passenger on a plane has worked amazingly in combatting mom guilt! In order for me to care for my adult child or grandchild traveling next to me, I need to first put on my own oxygen mask. Otherwise, I’m of no use!
When Self-Care Actually Starts Feeling Good Again
The surprising truth is, once you “start small”, you’ve actually tricked your brain into starting small habits. Voilà! Your motivation slowly returns.
What are the specific benefits for empty nester mommas? Top three tested and approved here:
better mood
more energy
rediscovering interests outside of motherhood
But watch out for that tricky brain and the mom guilt that constantly tries to pry its way back in. You will need to remind it that this phase is a new chapter, NOT an ending.
Self-Care for the Real World
Sometimes self-care IS yoga or an expensive bath bomb while floating a styrofoam container of take-out sushi in the tub with you (this was me seven years ago when I was training to become a ski instructor and it worked!).
Sometimes it’s just sitting on your porch with coffee and the peace and quiet you craved when your kids were young, crying little beans.
You still might not feel like starting your self-care journey. Whatever it is, consider starting by giving your sweet momma self permission to “try something on”. And remember, there is absolutely nothing selfish about putting on your own oxygen mask first.
If you’re looking for some guided self-care questions designed for empty nest moms, CLICK HERE to download my free 3-part Dream Learn Grow series.
Whenever and whatever you do decide to start, then enjoy the flight rewards as your empty nester “start small” method builds into some amazing new habits and routines!
