So the Kids Are Gone… Now What? How Empty Nester Moms Can Reignite Themselves and Find a New Purpose
The house is quiet… Suspiciously quiet.
You come into your own. Your own home, office, kitchen, and living room. But no one is there for you. It IS suspiciously quiet. You look at your calendar on the wall or your phone. Nothing is showing. There is nothing to be done.
The sports practice runs, the homework crises, all gone. Only the once disappearing groceries remain on the shelf beckoning your call. What has once defined you has now come down to an empty calendar and food that nobody wants to show up for.
“Who am I without my daily mom CEO duties?”, and other hushed feelings surround. Sure, you’re proud of all you helped build within the walls of your sweet family. But it is now mixed with the relief and confusion of a Mom Guilt you’ve never known before. And it ends with the biggest question, “What do I do now?!”
The identity shift no one warned you about.
Motherhood often becomes a full-time identity. For decades your role included chauffeur, therapist, chef, homework supervisor and event planner. Suddenly these responsibilities have disappeared.
No one prepared you for the season when your calendar would go from completely filled to empty nester.
Thank goodness you realize that you are not alone but rather in good company by those who have gone before you. Those that have realized an identity shift is normal in this season of emptying the nest. Feeling empty doesn’t mean something is wrong—it means something new is on the horizon.
This isn’t the end of your purpose.
It’s the beginning of your reigniting era!
Think of it as a plot twist. Or, in pre-COVID terms we would say “a pivot”.
You’re not starting over, at your age you are starting from experience! You now have these 4 super powers:
Wisdom
Perspective
Resilience
Decades of life skills
This empty nesting stage is about reigniting yourself intentionally, not just filling time. You’ve spent years raising amazing humans and now it’s time to raise the next version of yourself.
Let yourself hear you say it, “It’s the beginning of my reigniting era!”
Reconnect with the woman you were before “Mom”.
What did you enjoy before motherhood took center stage? What hobbies or jobbies got put on pause? What dreams were postponed?
Maybe take a minute to think about these categories:
Creative interests
Travel
Writing
Volunteering
Learning new skills
Maybe the woman who loved writing steamy poetry is still in there…under the PTA meeting minutes dressed up in a buttoned down sweater.
Why not reconnect with her?!
Give yourself permission to experiment.
Midlife is the ultimate permission slip. Healthy curiosity begets so many fun ideas!
Start a blog or podcast
Launch a small business
Take classes
Mentor younger women
Start a passion project
Reigniting YOU happens through a little ACTION, not a lot of overthinking.
Redefine what purpose looks like now for YOU!
Purpose isn’t always loud or grand. Your new purpose in this season of empty nesting can look like:
Mentoring
Creating
Teaching
Building community
Serving others in new ways
Purpose AFTER motherhood often becomes more intentional and more personal. You are no longer living only for everyone else. You can choose where to include yourself in the story AGAIN.
The beautiful truth about reigniting yourself is much bigger than you think.
It’s not about becoming someone totally new, It’s about rediscovering and expanding who you already are!
Motherhood was one powerful chapter. It gave you skills most CEOs wish they had:
Leadership
Crisis management
Emotional intelligence
Adaptability
If you survived raising teenagers like I did, you’re already qualified for almost anything! Do you see where I’m going with this now?
Here’s some encouragement for those of you moms feeling lost right about now.
It’s normal to feel uncertain, like the next step isn’t clear yet. So, you hit the Google search bar to see what’s left for you out there. I did! That’s how I discovered that I wanted to be a ski instructor of all things!
Purpose often shows up gradually. Small steps lead to a big reigniting. Trust me!
Your next chapter is still being written!
Your HOUSE may be quieter but your LIFE isn’t smaller. This stage of empty nesting is your opportunity to dream, reignite and recapture YOURSELF!
You’ve spent years helping your children become who they were meant to be. Now it’s your turn. You can’t go backwards but no matter what you do next or how you spell it, you are still MOM!
